jitters
by quietdays
Summary: the thoughts and the moments you have before a wedding. [shin soukoku] (also on tumblr and ao3)


listen... i dont care if what i write is gay i just want them to be happy so have akuatsu getting married. but since i actually have no idea how weddings work lets just have them work out their pre-wedding jitters. BUT LISTEN I WANT THEM TO GET MARRIED.. LISTEN

* * *

atsushi was a bit nervous.

perhaps, nervous wasn't even going to cut it. he was a _wreck_. an emotional, happy but still nonetheless nervous wreck. honestly, while it was like him to be a nervous and anxious wreck at all times, he'd really _really_ would appreciate it if he could get his shit together for a few hours and not embarrass himself. (though, he kind of thinks that even if he wasn't a nervous wreck, he'd still would find a way to embarrass himself. that's the thing about being atsushi.)

 _deep breathes_ , atsushi reminds himself. _you're not that of a wreck if you compare yourself with your eighteen year old self_.

he clenches his hands hard enough that crescents are appearing on his palms as he looks at the mirror. he inhales and then exhales, _desperately_ trying to calm himself down and basically not think about all the ways that this could go wrong. ( _don't think about him leaving, don't think about someone suddenly attacking, don't think about anything other than you'll finally be legally together, don't think about him realizing and then leaving don't think about-_ ).

oh dear, he's made himself worse, hadn't he?

before he can go on a full blown panic attack literally five minutes before he's to be wed, hands at his shoulders interrupt his thoughts and bring him back to reality. he looks around and sees familiar faces. kunikida, his best man, and kyouka, his dearest sister which also happened to be a flower girl (even though she's sixteen. she pushed for being a flower girl and atsushi happily gave her the position along with gin.)

"don't worry yourself to death, kid." kunikida sighs, as he fixes atsushi's crooked tie. huh, atsushi didn't even notice that his tie was a bit crooked. "it'll be bad for both you and akutagawa, honestly."

"right, right!" kyouka chirps as she straightens out atsushi's suit. "it's your special day so you gotta be happy and worry-free! i imagine that akutagawa's probably pacing around in his room too."

"as dazai laughs at him." kunikida adds in a deadpan. he covers his face with his hands and sighs. "i can't believe you got married first. out of all of us, i didn't expect- i'm. i'm so-"

kyouka rolls her eyes at him and atsushi just nervously grins at kunikida.

"you and me both actually." he admits, as he turns back to stare at himself. who would have thought that he, an unlucky tiger and generally someone who didn't have the greatest self-confidence, would get married to someone he thought of as an enemy and rival? certainly not him.

kyouka only sighed, "can we focus on getting all of us ready? i'm pretty sure if we continue this line of conversation one of us would end up crying." she warily eyes kunikida that's now looking at atsushi proudly, "i don't really want to take care of a crying mom even before the wedding starts."

kunikida gawks and atsushi just chuckles at the both of them. two years can really change people.

kunikida calms himself down and finally gathers his composure (and dignity) back. "shall we go then?"

atsushi grins at the both of them, his nerves finally calm and then nods, following the both of them outside.

* * *

akutagawa wasn't in a good mood.

well, he's _supposed_ to be in a good mood, _since_ he's going to get married to someone he dearly and deeply cares about, but _however_ -

he was really, _really_ worried and his best man wasn't doing anything. (why did he even pick his former mentor to be his best man? dazai was cool and amazing yes, but- though- uh- um? akutagawa can't seem to put it into words.)

he _desperately_ wants to panic, curl up and maybe die. you know, normal pre-wedding jitters. it's not helping that the person supposed to be _calming_ him down was laughing at him. honestly, what an asshole, akutagawa can't _believe_ he trusted and sought attention from this guy.

"aren't you like- i don't know, supposed to calm me down or something." akutagawa can't help but say perhaps with a little too much venom.

dazai only laughs as they both look at him in the mirror. "i don't have to do that." dazai simply says, "unless, are you scared?"

"no, i'm not." akutagawa replies stiffly as he adjusts his own tie.

" _oh my god_ , you're scared?" dazai can't help but look at akutagawa in wonder. "you've battled a lot of scarier things than this and you're scared about getting married?"

"i'm _not_ scared."

dazai simply laughs, "the fact that you're saying that only makes it more clear that you _are_ scared. i'm your mentor, remember?"

akutagawa curses, of course he hasn't forgotten that dazai was his mentor when he was just starting out. how can he forget? he literally met the person he was marrying through him.

dazai laughs again as he ruffles akutagawa's hair, earning him a look of contempt from the man. "don't be scared, at this point it would be a miracle if atsushi starts hating you again."

"i know."

"then why are you scared?"

"i-" akutagawa stutters, _why is he scared_? that's a simple question, with such a complex answer. "i feel that i don't- i can't possibly deserve this."

dazai goes silent for a moment and akutagawa refuses to meet his eyes. he shouldn't really be thinking about this nor really bring this up on the day he's supposed to get married.

dazai sighs and just pats him on the head. "listen akutagawa, i assure you, i _most definitely_ assure you that in the room besides us, atsushi's probably having the same thoughts while kyouka calms him down and while kunikida starts crying." dazai faces him while patting/fixing/ruining his hair. "don't think of those thoughts because you and atsushi _deserves_ each other. if you don't believe me, i'll bet you that when you're in front of the altar, atsushi's going to start crying."

"i-"

"and _trust me_ , you wouldn't want to take that bet because all my predictions come true. now come, let's go now. wouldn't want your groom to wait, now wouldn't we?"

akutagawa only simply sighs (in relief or in exasperation? no one knows) and follows dazai out of the room. strangely, his nerves are calmed and he can't help but get excited since _he's finally getting married_.


End file.
